Moving

I'm moving blogs, so I won't be on this one anymore. It's one part "I don't want to blog at Blogger anymore) and two parts "Security" purposes. If you want the URL of my new blog, find me in some other medium (you probably know how) and I will tell you.

Later, peeps.

The reason people find it so hard to be happy is that they always see the past better than it was, the present worse than it is, and the future less resolved than it will be.” --Marcel Pagnol

"I don't wish to be everything to everyone, but I would like to be something to someone.” --Javan

Yesterday was, without a doubt, one of the worst days I've had in a while. I'm not going to harp on it and do everybody the injustice of having to read through it, but just know that it really sucked. It also has to be said that I have some of the best coworkers around, and I also work FOR the best people out there. -nod-

Our power was out from last night around 9pm until about 2am. Then it was off from about 5am until a half hour ago. This has been a weird day, I feel like I'm in a weird time vacuum for some reason.

I'm going through this thing where I want to learn how to make me happy instead of letting the words and actions of others dictate my happiness. This is going to be very difficult, as my entire life has been spent A. living my life mostly to make others happy; B. putting all my self worth into whether or not people actually "like" me; and C. worrying about having no friends. So, we'll see how this goes. The old adage "if you can't enjoy your own company, then you must not be very good company at all," or something has been ringing in my ears lately.

I took some, in my humble opinion, excellent shots at Cassidy and Nicholas's baseball game on Thursday. I finally got to use my zoom lens for something useful, and I think they turned out really nice.

Other than my best friend potentially hating me and my entire family and the incident yesterday, I'm doing moderately okay.

Nothing else to say

“I hate myself. I have almost always hated myself. I have good reasons for hating myself, but it’s not for bad things I’ve done. I do not hate myself for betrayals, for going behind the back of someone who trusted me. I hate myself because I am not beautiful. I hate myself because I am fat.” –Judith Moore.

Cartoons

There is no possible way, in this entire world, that I'm 19 years old. I love cartoons, like, so much. A few too many of movies are cartoons, and have I mentioned my intense love for stuffed animals? Haha. I don't know. I hold on too tightly to my childhood. Or maybe I just hold on too tightly to cartoons!

I bought the DVD of Toy Story today. It was one of those things where my head was like, it's stupid to spend $20 on a cartoon that I still have the VHS of. But I was like, you know what? I do not even care. I frackin' love this movie and furthermore, I am buying the second one next pay period. Haha. It only got worse when we went to Kohl's and my mom bought me a Buzz Lightyear stuffed animal. lmao. I don't know, there's just something I hardcore love about cartoons, especially Toy Story. Seriously, such a good movie! Haha.

EEG and lady gaga headphones

So, I have to say, ever since the end of last year I have turned into a shameless Lady Gaga addict. Depending on who you talk to, she could be the best singer in the world, or the worst, but I think everyone can agree that she is a bit on the whacky side. See: every outfit she's ever worn. But she has these earbuds that she designed called Heartbeats and I really want a pair. Like, really want a pair. Supposedly the sound is incredible, and I just think they look pretty sweet. Well, I googled them, and I should've known, they're $119 (that's the lowest I could find them, not used. Ew. Used earbuds). So, it looks like I won't be getting a pair in the near future. :( Oh, well.

I am off from my business class until next Wednesday. :) Yay for long weekends. Too bad I have to work Monday. I can't WAIT to go swimming! I've been meditating in the house for like two days because it's so freaking hot outside. Yeah, enjoy the sunshine, but I hate being hot. Over my break from class I have a take home test, 3 installments in my gigantic paper to write, and a current events type article. I hate 7 week classes.

Tomorrow (well, today) I have an EEG scheduled at 1pm. For those not in the know, it's when they attach these little electrode thingies to your head that monitor your brain waves. In my case, they end up flashing really bright, annoying lights at you and make you breath in various stages of annoyingness. They also require you to be sleep deprived, which may end up killing me. Which is why I'm awake instead of snoozing in my bed at the moment. It's only 2:49am and I'm forcing myself to stay awake until 4. Then sleeping. And getting up at 8am. This is the part I hate the most; the rest I really don't mind too much. This is all pretty much routine. Right now it's just finding the balance between being sleep deprived like they require, and getting enough sleep so I don't crash my car off the road on the way there. I'm not looking forward to getting all that sticky glue off my head.

Royal Tenenbaums shirt

I made this :) I have to redesign it now since the minimum order quanitity is 6..and I only want one, haha. :)

Make custom t-shirts at CustomInk.com

I've gotta say, sometimes, what I really need is for someone to just say: "Yeah, that sucks." On ocasion, I don't want to be told to cheer up, or think positively. Sometimes I want to wallow in the idea that stuff is sucking at this point in time, and I want to pout about it, and maybe have a good cry. Nothing's worse than when you're in this mood and you have people from every direction telling you to perk up.

I'm not saying things will suck forever. I've grown up enough and learned that everything happens for a reason, and things work out for the best; nothing sucks forever. We have the wise words, "We'd never know what's wrong without the pain", thanks to The Fray. But sometimes I want to let my anxiety and depression consume my whole being. Especially at night, that's when it's worst. When I've stopped doing stuff and am relaxing, and I start thinking...I'm headed to a bad place.

I'm okay. Really. I'm always "okay". Just burning the candle at both ends, and it's starting to effect me.