The Principle of the 'What if?'

Do you ever wonder what your life would be like if you, or the people close to you, had made different decisions? I was wondering about that today. So many things in life could be different. It's almost scary, because I absolutely hate change. Although, it wouldn't be change if things were just like that. One different decision or choice can or could have changed everything.

Let me give you a 'for instance': what if my mom and dad had stayed together? Like, say things had changed around and one had decided to tolerate the other and he had gotten his crap together and we'd been the 'happy American family'? What kind of person would I be? It's kind of scary to think of. We might not even live in this house right now if that was the way things had worked out. My mom might never have become friends with Danette again, and we wouldn't know the kids. That almost breaks my heart to think of. I might not know Maegan, because they might have decided to move out of this school district, which that thought is also heartbreaking. What kind of person are you if you grow up in a house with two people making the decisions for you? I have no clue. I know for sure that two people wouldn't be on this earth if my parents had stayed together, Ian and Nate. My dad and Tracy might never have even met. Tracy and I most certainly wouldn't have met. I would've been saved a good...6 or 7 years of verbal and emotional abuse.

Back to the present, where I live with my mother whom I love very much, and I have the most amazing best friend that I could ever ask for, and I am surrounded by people who love me. Ahem. I don't think that other life I just described would be the right one for me. I have some amazing people in my life. I have also lived through some really crappy situations but in the end, they've given me experiences that have turned me into a more stable person. I think it's just as important to understand that there are bad things or people in this world as it is to understand the good things and people. I regret things that I have done, personally, in my life, but I do not regret the life I have lived and am living. I might not like it all the time, because God knows I'm not 100% happy all the time, but I am so lucky.

I do question what if's sometimes, but does that mean that I'm not a fortune or happy person? I don't think it does. It just means that I'm curious about what might have been. To think that there could be some parallel place or situation that my life could've been is a weird concept. I feel like I'm high right now or something. But it's totally true. The everyday decisions we make decide what happens. It's so trippy. Haha. Just something to think about!