Thanksgiving

Happy Thanksgiving, everybody. I hope everybody had a wonderful and blessed thanksgiving.

I'm thankful for:
My family. I have a family that, while at times may be insane, loves me and cares for me implicitly, and only wants the best for me. I have my mother, my grandparents, aunts, uncles, and countless cousins...my family is not perfect but they're mine and [when it comes down to it] I wouldn't trade them for the world.

My friends. I have wonderful, caring, smart, funny friends who are my strength when I can't be strong for myself. I have a best friend who loves me for exactly who I am and doesn't try to change me into something or someone that I'm not. She could care less about the outside, she only cares about what's inside. My friends mean everything to me.

My home. It might not be huge, spacious, even up to date, but it's a roof over my head and it keeps me warm.

My dog [and cat, also...]. My little dog is annoying as hell when she barks but other than that, I love her like crazy and she means a lot to me. Some days I feel like she's the only one who loves me totally and completely. And she gives great lovies.

School. I'm so blessed to be able to go to school, it took until this past summer when I thought I wouldn't be able to to really help me know how important it is and how blessed I am to be able to go.

:]

Updates, Turkeys and Books

I'm so glad that this week is going to be a short one. I only have classes Monday and Tuesday, and then work on Wednesday. Then on Thursday it's thanksgiving and apparently we're closed...I didn't know we were but that's what I was told today. So I get the day off!

We're not doing anything huge for Thanksgiving this year and I am sooo glad for that. We're having dinner at Grandma's so it's just going to be like our regular thursday dinners. I was not in the mood to dress up and answer questions politely by relatives I see four times a year.

Last thursday Mae and I made turkeys out of construction paper and buttons. It was so much fun, we're crafters now :]Haha, aren't we cute?
I finished reading Ordinary People. It was such a great book, I planned on posting a review of it on here but I got lazy/busy depending on how you look at it, haha, and yeah. Now I'm re-reading The Lovely Bones in preparation for the amazing movie that's supposed to come out in January. So excited, that book is a work of art. After that I think I'm going to read Water for Elephants...but I'm not sure. Brant is supposed to be loaning me some books he really likes.

I saw New Moon on Friday...what a terrible, terrible movie. Honestly. Not quite as boring as the first, in the sense that there was a bit more action, but the plot was even worse. Ugh. I don't get it...how people are so obsessed with it. Anyways. Off to bed so I can start my short week =]

Wanna hear a real shame? The Lovely Bones comes out in January. New Moon came out Friday. There isn't a doubt in my mind that New Moon will have 10x as many people go see it as The Lovely Bones. That movie is going to be amazing and the book is a work of art. But New Moon has a shirtless 17 year old. I must be stupid to think TLB would be better...

When You're Not Being Funny

I just had to write another rant tonight. It seems that lately people have just been having no issue making fun of things that just...aren't...funny. Like downs' syndrome people. Making fun of them, or any mentally challenged person, isn't funny. I can understand if you say "that's retarded" once in a while, I do it sometimes too. But I try to limit my use of that word.

Normally, I can tolerate the seizure/epilepsy jokes. I'm not gonna be able to stop them and usually I just shrug it off and chalk it up to a bit of ignorance. But to be perfectly honest, it's really not funny. Epilepsy and seizures in general are a scary thing, and I am speaking from experience. I'm one of the lucky ones, I don't have grand mals and my seizures are controlled by meds. But still, you sound like an IDIOT when you're like "durrrr he's shaking like he's got a seizure" and then you start making strange facial expressions and making your whole body shake. What part of that is funny to you? It's not funny, it's more than a little insulting.

Again, it's not that I don't understand slip ups and it's not that I can't take a joke. It's just that once in a while this kind of stuff just gets under my nerves.

"Twilight" Rant

Okay, unless you live under a rock, and I know that nobody who potentially reads this does, you've heard of the Twilight saga-a collection of four novels that, boiled down, are about a teenage girl who falls in love with a vampire. Along the way there are obstacles thrown in their path of being together, such as werewolves, other vampires, so on and so forth. Stephanie Meyer basically took the eternal idea of Romeo and Juliet and tossed in a teenage girl and a vampire. And what amounts to thousands of pages of absolutely horrendous writing.

Those who know me, know that I read all the time. I consume books like they're going out of style, and I pride myself on the ability to give just about anything a chance. I'm also extremely picky and opinionated when it comes to books, so judge me. That being said, I gave Twilight a fair chance. I read the book, and saw the movie [opening day, too]. Having given it a fair chance, I have to assert my opinion and say that it was the worst piece of trash that I've ever had the misfortune of reading. Page after page after page of dull, uninteresting drivel. By the end of the first chapter, I felt the need to run Bella over with my car. The fact that she survived four books in a series sometimes keeps me awake at night. Edward, while at times very charming and having the potential to be adorable, is also an intense creeper. When you find out that a guy, vampire or not, has been sneaking into your room while you sleep and watching you, you call the cops. You don't blush and fawn all over him. At least not in the land I come from...

It felt like reading someone's unbelievably boring diary, with a little bit of interesting parts tossed in when a vampire's there. The most exciting parts of the book and the movie were when Bella almost died at the end. Spoiler alert: She doesn't die. I apologize. This all being said, the fangirls for the Twilight saga are starting to SERIOUSLY PISS ME OFF. I have rage issues, quite clearly, and if I hear one more person squee over the fact that New Moon comes out in three days, or see one more status update on FB about it, or see one more shirt that says TEAM EDWARD or TEAM JACOB on it, I will throw up and my head will spin around.

The fangirls for Harry Potter were no where NEAR this bad. Because now it's not just kids aged 11-19 freaking out about it. The Twilight saga seems to have become the literary buffet for middle aged women who haven't bothered to crack a book in the last 10 years. Which breaks my heart. Seriously, there are so many amazing books out there. I'm not even talking about ancient boring stuff, come over to my place and I will gladly make you a list of every amazing book I've read within the last year. Books that don't contain more filler than ACTUAL plot, with characters that are relatable and not annoying as hell, books that were written out of actual passion for writing rather than making a quick buck. [*cough cough* stephanie meyer is a money whore *cough cough*] Try opening The Lovely Bones, My Sister's Keeper, or She's Come Undone, just to name a few.

I am fully aware that I sound like a book snob. I am one. But I swear, Twilight has become the next political agenda being shoved down my throat every time I turn around. I respect that you have the right to think it's the bomb, but that means you have to respect my right to say hell no, it's not. Anyways. Wow this was long, but I needed to get it off my chest lol.

Nothing

I have nothing to talk about. I took Paige's friend's pictures on Saturday for her modeling portfolio. They turned out pretty good, I suppose, there's bunches on deviantART and facebook.

I had a poli sci exam today, I have a history test on wednesday.

Books and Music

I'm really glad that my required book reading for the semester[meaning actual books, not textbooks] is done. I can now get back to reading my own books for pleasure, which makes me really happy. But now I'm conflicted as where to start after I'm done with my current book...that's sad. How many people have actual issues deciding what book they want to read? lol. I have a shoebox in my room that is packed and stacked high with unread books. And it doesn't help that I have a 25$ Barnes and Noble gift card, courtesy of Steve and Michele, that is burning a hole in my pocket.

I'm reading Ordinary People by Judith Guest right now. It's the book that the movie directed by Robert Redford was based off of. It's really good, usually I have a hard time suffering through older books (I know, bias) but it's written very well and it's easy to follow. I was gonna buy it at Barnes and Noble for like 15 bucks because I wanted to read it so bad, but then I found it at the salvation army for 99 cents. Score.

After that I'm considering re-reading The Lovely Bones but I have so many other books I haven't read yet that I'm so conflicted! Ugh. Decisions...lol. I need to stop buying new books for dirt cheap at the thrift store.

I made a playlist on Youtube of the Coraline soundtrack. It has beautiful music, it's really amazing. Usually I'm not one for just music-no words or anything-but the instrumental stuff is really intriguing me right now. It's mellowing to listen to. =]

School Stuff

Okay, let's see. Four weeks left in the semester...let's see what else has to be done and what I've got done.

-History: One group test and the final exam.
-Computer: Three in class tests and the rest of my tutorials.
-Abnormal Psych: Journal Article presentation, 15 other articles, one more movie essay.
-Political Science: One more test and the final exam.

It seems like a lot but it's manageable if I budget my time and actually get work done. I think instead of sitting here I'm gonna do some more tutorials for my computer class. And the other stuff is mostly stuff that I obviously can't do right now [I can't take tests on my own, I can't write an essay on a movie we haven't watched yet, etc...].

I finished my powerpoint and paper for my presentation on Prozac Nation. Now all that's left to do for that is just present it next Wednesday...while not passing out from my intense social anxiety. Fail. I also got my book review paper back from my history teacher yesterday...remember that book I only read 50 pages of? I got a 95/100 on the paper. That's an A folks. Yeah, reading the book, at least in my case, is overrated because I can skim through it and do research and still come up with a damn good paper. So yeah. Happy about that. =]

Heidi's Pictures, Weekend, And More...

I took round 2 of Heidi's senior pictures on Friday. They weren't as good as the first set because my shooting conditions weren't perfect like they were the first time, but we still got some pretty great shots and she and her family are really happy with them. Which has been my aim from the beginning, I'm all about people pleasing and she's a pretty good friend of mine. We took them at her golf course, not Hines, but there was a little [creepy] patch of woods right next to it so we took some in there, too. It gets dark so early now that we only had about an hour and twenty minutes of not so great lighting to work with, but we made it work. After that we hung out and had pizza for dinner and went to the salvation army, where I found a book that I was going to spend 15 dollars on for 99 cents. Epic win.

Saturday I watched a movie with my buffel and got to experience her amazingness and hilarity. Today I had to work a very infuriating shift[Sundays are cursed, didn't you know?] and I came home and just finished up a paper/book review. It's almost 6 and a half pages long and it's not too bad. The astounding part? I never read the book. I read maybe 45 pages, but it was almost 300 pages. So this book review is amazing.

Saturday I spent some time with Mom at Steve and Michele's which was nice because I hadn't been over there in a couple of weeks. School and dentist and doctor appointments have been standing in my way of having fun. lol. We spent some time going down memory lane and discussing my dad and Tracy and all of that stuff. I had forgotten how unbelievable those...8 years were. I have so many memories of those days that I don't bother thinking about because it hurts too bad. It all still boils down to the simple fact of that, it didn't matter that I was miserable or that he married a woman who hated me and who I wasn't too fond of either. He basically chose her over his own daughter. I was the only kid he had at the time, and it's weird because my mom has always put me first for that kind of stuff. Is that selfish, to be mad because he didn't? But as a result, I had a lot of miserable times growing up. Everything happens for a reason, though, and I just thank my lucky stars that I'm 19 and I don't see her every other weekend and I don't deal with his crap anymore. But I have been like...missing him, for some strange reason, lately. Hmm.

More Portraits and Babies

Tomorrow I'm going to be taking some more pictures of Heidi, some fall ones for her senior pictures. I'm really excited, we're going to an area of Hines Park to take them. I'm crossing my fingers and toes and praying that it doesn't rain in between now and tomorrow. Every time I've gone into the woods to do portraits it's been nothing but slip n slide with mud and it's getting old, haha. It should be fun though, she'll have a ton of variety in her shots to pick from. The biggest issue will be choosing which ones to make prints of, lol. She showed me a couple pictures of the area, and it looks like a really nice place. There's a lake and tons of trees, so there'll be a bunch of leaves. Guaranteed to be amazing.

Today at work, Derrick also mentioned that he thought of another place to go if I wanted to do more pictures of him...what kind of question is that? Of COURSE I want to! :] It's my favorite thing to do ever. We've been trying to figure out a time that's good for both of us to go, but we have totally conflicting schedules and it sucks. It's looking like either Friday again or a Saturday.

Today was one of those days where, if something COULD go wrong...it did. Work was crazy busy, which isn't BAD, just stressful. Also, as I was clocking out and leaving, I accidentally bumped into the rack where the knives are and knocked one off. Instinct to catch it kicked in and I caught it...with the palm of my hand, blade first. OW. Real smart. But I didn't really think, I just reacted. So now I have a gash on my hand. It never opened and bled but it hurts like hell. And then me and my mom got into a huge fight later this evening...but there's nothing new there.

In more positive news, my cousin Jenn had her baby on Tuesday, November 3. Fynlie Patricia Margaret was born at 8am and weighed 7 lbs. 10oz. She's a beautiful baby, I can't wait to meet her! Unfortunately they live in Canada so it's difficult to get over there, being that I have no passport. But congrats to them!

I've had a busy couple of days...actually, a busy couple of weeks. I can't believe it's already nearing the end of the 10th week of school. In another month this semester will be over, and while I'm extremely happy, I hate my next semester classes. Tomorrow I really really really have to fine tune my schedule and figure it out. I'm really unhappy with it right now.

Tuesday I went to the dentist and he wasn't AS unpleasant as he was last time, but he still definitely isn't my favorite guy. The problem is a very big lack of communication. I have no idea how many cavities he filled on Tuesday and I'm going back next Tuesday for more. But I haven't a clue how many. It's frustrating. =/

Today was my rescheduled neurologist appointment after the shenanigans that went down in his office last Friday. Thankfully everything went smoothly and I was able to stand up for myself and tell him that I absolutely did not want to be on Topamax. The risks were way too high, even for someone like me who doesn't usually worry about that kind of stuff. Especially when my meds now are working fine. So, there will be no kidney stones, numbness in the fingers and toes, changes in gait, changes in mental function or slurred speech for me. Thank you very much. He's actually a really nice guy, we had a good conversation about Eastern. His son goes there and he told me this alternate route to get there that shaves a ton of time off of travel, and totally keeps me off of the free way. Sweet. :]]

I made prints with Mae at Walmart the other day, and a few more today at CVS. At Walmart I printed out 68 photos at the Kodak print center kiosk...it was like, 17 dollars. But I really liked it and wanted some and I had set aside money for this, so it was okay. I made prints of pictures of Mae and Derrick, some of us at the cider mill, and some on halloween. Today I made some of Zelda, Pucca and a couple of artsy shots I'd taken. I love my new photo box :)

I Am From

I am from giant pine trees that scatter sap and needles everywhere; from Dunkaroos, and Push Up Pops and oatmeal on cold winter mornings.

I am from the house that used to be red with peeling paint, shag carpet in the kitchen and gas stoves, and a room that's always colder than the rest of the house.

I am from the rose bush in the front yard, flowerpots that will touch the sky, and rock gardens that can easily be boulders when you're a kid.

I am from Santa wrapping paper and angels on top of the Christmas tree; I am from my Mom who tries so hard, Grandpa who will do just about anything, and Grandma who is easily swayed by a pouting lip.

I am from the easily angered, yet easily forgiving and the ones who are very proud of me, deep down inside.

From "I told you a week ago to clean your room!" and "We'll cross that bridge when we get to it."; from "I love you this much," and "I love my Amber, and my Amber loves me."

I am from two sides of Catholics and Sunday morning Mass, from Catechism after school, baptism, first communion, and confirmation; from not hiding my faith, but embracing it.

I am from the longest, coldest winters of Michigan and living through these rough times; from turkeys on Thanksgiving, and Grandma's burned biscuits on Christmas.

From sledding into a creek in winter with Katie, to swimming in the lake with Katie in the summer; from a huge family that is crazier and more amazing than anything you could think of.

I am from taking pictures and writing stories and reading books and never finishing a movie with my best friend because we talk too much; from my little black dog and my evil black cat, from the people who matter and the person who doesn't. From trying too hard and loving with all that I have. I am from love and happiness and hardship and greatness. But I am lucky to be here, to be from these amazing things.

I wish I was good enough to love. I feel like a failure. I want someone to be able to look at me and tell people that I was good enough to be theirs. I guess I'm just destined to be alone forever.

Weekend

Well, my Halloween was pretty lame, I guess. I hung out with Mae most of the day and took her cousin's family pictures. That was pretty fun, it was nice to be out in the forrest. It was kind of chilly though, and far too muddy for my tastes. Then I came home and was basically under house arrest. I carved my pumpkin, at least that didn't turn out too bad.

It's a kitty! :]

Today was boring. I just sat around here until I went to work at 3. I registered for classes in the morning, and I have a terrible schedule. Boring classes, long hours. It's gonna suck. I'm hoping to go through everything and fine tune it. Maybe drop my photo class, depending on if it's a film or digital photo class, and pick up an extra english class. Something I won't hate. Blah.

At least Friday was good, though...right? I got a bunch of faves and two watches on deviantART out of Maegan's portraits, and tons of faves and one watch on deviantART out of Derrick's. I love taking portraits so much. I'm also going to go out on a limb and say that I'm pretty good at it, too. Everyone loved both Mae's and Derrick's pictures. I hope someone else will volunteer themselves soon. It chills me out so much, and makes me happy. =)