The Principle of the 'What if?'

Do you ever wonder what your life would be like if you, or the people close to you, had made different decisions? I was wondering about that today. So many things in life could be different. It's almost scary, because I absolutely hate change. Although, it wouldn't be change if things were just like that. One different decision or choice can or could have changed everything.

Let me give you a 'for instance': what if my mom and dad had stayed together? Like, say things had changed around and one had decided to tolerate the other and he had gotten his crap together and we'd been the 'happy American family'? What kind of person would I be? It's kind of scary to think of. We might not even live in this house right now if that was the way things had worked out. My mom might never have become friends with Danette again, and we wouldn't know the kids. That almost breaks my heart to think of. I might not know Maegan, because they might have decided to move out of this school district, which that thought is also heartbreaking. What kind of person are you if you grow up in a house with two people making the decisions for you? I have no clue. I know for sure that two people wouldn't be on this earth if my parents had stayed together, Ian and Nate. My dad and Tracy might never have even met. Tracy and I most certainly wouldn't have met. I would've been saved a good...6 or 7 years of verbal and emotional abuse.

Back to the present, where I live with my mother whom I love very much, and I have the most amazing best friend that I could ever ask for, and I am surrounded by people who love me. Ahem. I don't think that other life I just described would be the right one for me. I have some amazing people in my life. I have also lived through some really crappy situations but in the end, they've given me experiences that have turned me into a more stable person. I think it's just as important to understand that there are bad things or people in this world as it is to understand the good things and people. I regret things that I have done, personally, in my life, but I do not regret the life I have lived and am living. I might not like it all the time, because God knows I'm not 100% happy all the time, but I am so lucky.

I do question what if's sometimes, but does that mean that I'm not a fortune or happy person? I don't think it does. It just means that I'm curious about what might have been. To think that there could be some parallel place or situation that my life could've been is a weird concept. I feel like I'm high right now or something. But it's totally true. The everyday decisions we make decide what happens. It's so trippy. Haha. Just something to think about!

Today

I was going to just go to bed without posting, even though I do like to write before I go to sleep, but I knew if I didn't do it tonight, then it would just get easier and easier to not write, and I honestly do feel better and more regrouped when my thoughts are written out and sitting there for me to read again and remind myself. So I'm just doing this short post before I go to bed. I don't really have anything important to say but I wanted to talk about my new shoes!

I got three pairs of new shoes today. I bought some pink and black Adidas sandals. They're the kind that are supposed to massage and stimulate your nerves while you walk or something. I got a pair of Converse All Stars that are a kind of light blue and yellow with swirls and tiny bumblebees all over them :D They're so cute. And last but not least I got some tennis shoes to wear to work and for walking around and stuff which is really what I came for. I <3 all my new shoes, heehee.

All For One

Everyone seems to really like this picture. I bought two bottles of Pepsi that were in colored green and blue and said All for one and One for all. Everyone loves this and thinks that it's a digitally enhanced picture, or done in photoshop but it isn't :) I took it on my kitchen counter, and added the Cinema effect on Photoscape, and that's it, haha. I'm glad everyone likes it but it's not my favorite picture. XD

The Amityville Horror

So, a couple of weeks ago I rented two movies. One was a very awful movie called "666 The Child". It was basically the same storyline as The Omen, except it was a lot more vulgar, with way worse acting, and a 9 year old asian boy instead of a 5 year old white kid. It sucked.

I also rented The Amityville Horror (2005), which is [quite obviously] a remake of the 1979 original of the same name. I'm sure most everyone in the US and probably Canada are familiar with the storyline, but I'll refresh your memory. It's about the Lutz family, who move into 112 Ocean Way in Amityville, NY. They get the house for a great deal, but only because it was the site of a mass murder a year before. The man who lived in the house killed his entire family, insisting that the house told him to do it, and that the house had possessed him in some way. The Lutzs' move in, but fled the house after 28 days. It's based on a true story.

Now, I tried to watch this movie a couple years ago and hated it. I don't know what tempted me to rent it again but I did, and for the most part I did enjoy it. It was very creepy and chilling, and I have always had a special place in my heart for modern remakes of classic horror movies. I'm also really interested in true crimes, especially true crimes stories like this one.

Let me just say that I don't believe that the house is possessed, but I do believe in demonic possession. It just interests me to learn about stuff that people say happened in this house. I was on Wikipedia, reading about The Amityville Horror, and it was pretty interesting. I found some of the things the Lutzes claimed happened in the house. George Lutz said that he would wake up at 3:15am every morning and go check on the boathouse, and he later found out that was the time of the DeFeo murders. Kathy Lutz said that her children started sleeping on their stomaches in the exact way that the DeFeo children were found when dead. George said that he saw Kathy transform into ninety year old woman, and they heard voices when trying to do their own blessing of the house telling them to stop and to get out. So, 28 days after they moved in, they decided there was something deeply wrong with their house and fled, leaving their possessions behind.

I really want to read the book written by Jay Ansen, and I'd also like to read the book called "The Night the DeFeo's Died" by Ric Osuna, and "The Amityville Horror Conspiracy" by Stephan Kaplan. As of right now I don't know what to think about what happened in this house. I don't really believe that all the things the Lutzes said happened did, and some if not all of them can be explained but it's obvious that they felt something "wrong" or "bad". You don't just pick up and leave all your possessions behind just because you don't like the molding in the living room window sill or the island in the kitchen. Something has to be really like...wrong.

So, basically? I want to learn more. lol. I'm kind of a weirdo.

I Know Who Killed Me and new pictures

I seem to have developed a pattern of writing a blog[lately a very long one] right before I go to bed. Tonight we're going to talk about a movie Maegan and I rented called "I Know Who Killed Me".

It came out in 2007 and stars, you guessed it, Lindsay Lohan. Now, this semi review might be a bit biased because I nor Mae were in the mood to watch this type of movie. We both wanted to see it though so we grabbed it off the shelf. Spoilers ahead if you haven't seen it.

It's about a girl named Aubrey who has tons of stuff going for her in life [she's an amazingly talented writer, she's transfering to Yale, her family is loaded, great boyfriend] and then she is kidnapped one night by a serial killer and tortured brutally. This serial killer is someone you would classify as unbelievably deranged. He slips his victims amphetamines so they're awake while he does things like dry icing their hand so it rips the skin off, and many other brutal things.

Well, two weeks after she gets taken, someone finds her on the side of the road, brutally maimed but alive. When she wakes up in the hospital, everyone runs over and greets Aubrey, but there's a minor glitch: Aubrey says she isn't Aubrey. She says her name is Dakota and she has no clue who these people are.

As the movie goes on, Dakota starts to put the pieces of the puzzle together and realizes what is really going on and who is responsible, hence the name- I Know Who Killed Me.

It was not a great movie by any means. I was kind of confused half the time, and the other half of the time I was annoyed because they kept flashing from blue to red when they were talking about the different characters. There were an ungodly amount of plot holes and half the cast just annoyed me. I'd watch it again, however because I liked the storyline. Mae didn't like it because of the ending.

So, that's my somewhat review of that movie. What else happened today? I cut my finger at work, not bad but enough to make it sting ;[ I'm fine though haha. Tomorrow is my free day and I'm going to sleep a lot.

I took a new picture today: Focus on the Rain


Bananas

First day of school review

Well, today was my first day of the new fall semester. In case anyone was wondering, (regarding my post at 2:16 this morning) I did not accomplish all of my to-do list. Here's how the day started:

I set my alarm for 830 and my clock is 10 minutes fast so it went off at 820. I really need to make my clock the actual time because when I hit the snooze I always go in my head "oh, I have ten more minutes than the actual time" so I end up being late. This time I decided to turn off my alarm. Thank God I ALWAYS set my phone alarm for fifteen minutes later than my actual wake up time in case I become stupid [as I was this morning] and do something like that. So I woke up at 8:45, giving me JUST enough time to check my Facebook [that IS a necessity, stop looking at me like that], shower and get dressed, and grab my water bottle before getting out the door to meet Katie at Scraft at 9:15. Yes, I work wonders.

So it wasn't bad enough that we had to park far away because there were no spots, it was also raining. Really hard. So we got soaked going into the building, only to find out that our teacher for Early US History is the worst person ever. He looks like a fat, pompous chipmunk. Well, he doesn't LOOK pompous, but he sure acts like it. I was like YOU ARE NOT AS GREAT AS YOU ARE PRETENDING TO BE. Plus he focuses on cheating way too much. Anyways.

Then I had another class from 5:30-8:30, Abnormal Psych. I have been waiting for this class since forever. I think I am really going to like it, but the first day was half horrible, and half okay.

Before I launch into that story [this is going to be a very long blog post] let me just say that while I'm very loud and social around the people I know and am comfortable around, when I meet new people or am put in a new situation, my social anxiety starts to kick in. I'm incredibly shy and I'm afraid that I come off as really standoffish. So the first day of class is always one of those types of situations.

For some reason, my teachers always seem to delight in doing those stupid ice breaker things. My abnormal psych teacher seemed to take it to the next level. Instead of just having us go around the room and say three facts about us [which is bad enough] he decided that he wanted everyone to have two minutes with everyone in the room. We had to meet each person in the room individually. And we didn't do it in an organized fashion. Everything was a giant cluster. It was insane. Of our 3 hour class, 2 hours and 45 minutes of it [No, I'm not exaggerating- it was literally that long] was spent doing this ice breaker. He made it a point to get around the room and talk to everyone, too.

He's a very nice guy, Mr. St. John, and I'm REALLY excited for his class. We aren't going to be having any tests, we'll be watching three movies, and learning all kinds of stuff that I'm excited to learn. GAH! Hahaa.

So I guess my first day wasn't too bad. Very long. It'll be a few days before I'm used to my busy schedule again. I got some really bad news before my night class, my grandpa Smallwood had a small stroke today. I don't know what classifies a stroke as small but it's still a stroke. Obviously I am hoping and praying for him to make a full recovery...everyone is. Any thoughts and prayers you have to offer his way or my family's way are greatly appreciated. <3

2:16 am

Well, it's 2:16am and instead of doing something constructive like sleeping, [since I'm to be up at 8:30 for my first class of the school year] I'm facebooking and looking at photography tips on DPS and blogging. I lead such an exciting life. It's too hot in here to sleep and I now understand why Pedro shaved off all of his hair in Napoleon Dynamite. It's way too hot to sleep. I don't know why my mom is so stubborn and will never turn on the air. Plus Zelda's been barking non stop and I can't get her to shut up.

So, yeah. First class at 9:30 tomorrow morning, with Katie. I've dedicated too many posts to my class schedule and stuff so I won't talk about it anymore.

Goals for tomorrow:
-Get up at a decent time and DON'T hit my alarm twenty times.
-Eat a good breakfast before class. This means no oreos or energy drinks, as I'm tempted to do.
-Make sure my work clothes are fully dry before I go to work...damp jeans are no one's friend. *is a loser*
-Make it through class.
-Get to work by 11:15.
-Work.
-Eat a proper lunch.
-Nap before my evening class [which won't be long since I get off at 3 and have class at 5:30]
-Get to class on time.
-Don't fall asleep in class.
-Come home and do whatever homework may be on my plate for the evening.
-Don't be a cranky bitch while all of this is going on.
-Get to bed at a decent hour and NOT have insomnia tomorrow night.

Think I can do it? Me neither.

Amber Updates

Well, school starts on Wednesday, so once again I will back to balancing my life and making a pretty busy schedule work to my advantage/for me. :] I have Fridays completely off and most of the day Tuesdays, which I guess I will use to catch up on any homework I don't do. This year I'm determined to make the most of college and of all my classes and get good grades. Well, right now I have a 3.7 which I worked hard for so I'm determined to keep it or raise it.

I remember this time last year, I was so nervous and scared. I felt like such a dork, haha. Even though it's just Schoolcraft, I had kind of a hard time adjusting and basically hated the school and all of my classes for the fall semester, which sucked. I remember when Monday morning came and I had to get up and start the school week all over again, I almost wanted to cry. But luckily after that semester I got used to balancing homework, going to class, working and doing my own stuff so I was much happier. And I learned what worked and didn't work as far as planning my schedule went. Last semester I had classes every day, so this time I learned to plan one day where I had the day off, so I chose Friday. =] Why not get an early start to the weekend?

So my schedule is:
Monday: Early American History- 9:3am-10:50am. Work 11:15-3pm. Political Science 6-9 or something haha.
Tuesday: Computer Information Services- 9:30-10:50am.
Weds: Early US History again. Work again. Abnormal Psych 5:30-8:30
Thursday: CIS again. Work.
Friday: Nada! :]

I have Early American History with Katie, I'm glad I have a class with her. I wish I had a class with Maegan, maybe we will take one together in the winter. =] I bought my books last Tuesday-432$. Ouchhhh. :/

In other news, Katie and I went on our mini vacation to Lexington Thursday to Friday and I think we both had a pretty good time. I got some beautiful pictures out of it, if I do say so myself. :P It was nice to hang out with her, we haven't done anything like that in a long time.

The picture at the beginning of my post is one that I took of the Ambassador Bridge when we went to Port Huron/Lexington. I feel really confident about my photography right now, not arrogant, just confident, like I've gotten better at it than I was when I started. It takes a lot to make me feel "confident" about anything that I do because I don't have a lot of faith in the things I do. I love photography, it's something that makes me truly happy and content and I wish that I could make a career out of it. But I'm someone who needs stability and to know what's coming or up ahead in life, so unfortunately if following my passion isn't going to absolutely pay the bills when I'm older than I can't do it. It kind of kills me a little, though. =/

I found myself getting stuck into a rut again tonight on my drive home. Not a literal rut, thank goodness lol, but the same kind of mental rut I get stuck into once in a while. Sometimes I just wish, with all of my power, that I could go back in time to when I was younger. I miss the way things used to be. It's not that I don't love the way things are now, because most of the time I do. It's just that everything changed (as things tend to do) and I feel a little more disconnected from other people and parts of my past that I wish I weren't disconnected from. I'm extremely grateful for the people I have in my life and all of the great things I do have, but sometimes I just wish I could go back in time...it's probably a stupid thought.

I've decided to try to cut out caffeine. So, when I do drink pop, I want to start drinking root beer or sprite, or things like that. I'm not supposed to have caffeine as it is, with my medicine, but I eventually want to stop drinking pop all together and stick to juice or water. Pop is sooo bad for you.

Tomorrow we go and get my books...is it weird that I'm excited?

Survey

--Stole it from Livejournal. lol.

Who sleeps in bed next to you?
Depends on Zelda's mood. Sometimes her, or sometimes Batman Bear if I feel like it :P

What book(s) are you currently reading?
My list of books just keeps growing... "The Condition" by Jennifer Haigh, "I know this much is true" by Wally Lamb, and "April Showers" by VC Andrews

Do you have any habits/methods you must follow or feel 'off' for the rest of the day?
Hmm...I'm sure I do...I need to read before I go to bed or I won't feel relaxed so I won't sleep well. lol.

What's your occupation?
Student/Gourmet Sandwich Artist

What's really creepy?
Random people who smile at you. CLOWNS.

What is your least favorite color?
yellow

What's your current fandom/obsession/addiction?
House, of course. Always it comes back to House...

What are you listening to right now?
Nothing.

What are you most excited for?
Up north on Thursday =]

What websites do you always visit when you go online?
facebook, yahoo!, blogger, LJ, myspace, hulu, etc, etc

What was the last thing you bought?
A bagel and mountain dew at panera. oh my gosh, that bagel was so good!

What city have you always wanted to live in?
Hmm. Chicago

Does the weather affect your mood?
Eh, kind of

What is your zodiac sign?
Libra

Do you want to learn another language?
I want to learn sign language

What user (either on or off your flist) is a must-read for you? Why?
I read Mae's blog

Do you have any siblings?
2 half brothers that I never see or talk to

What show coming back this fall are you most excited for?
House =]

Here's to hoping that next week is very relaxing, and doesn't make me quite as upset or stressed as last week did. Tomorrow I work from 11-3, then I'm getting coffee with Evelyn at Panera. It should be fun, I haven't seen her in a while. =]

On Thursday, me, Grandma and Katie are going up to Port Huron/Port Sanilac/Lexington for the night. It's not long but it's long enough for me. Being away from home for the night and going to the beach is just what I need. School starts a week from Wednesday (O.O) and I'm kind of apprehensive, albeit excited. I've been off since May 1, I am ready to go back. This time I'm taking...Early American History, Political Science, Computers and Abnormal Psych. Soooo pumped for Abnormal Psych, it's gonna be interesting.

Hopefully I get some nice pictures when we go up north Thursday, I've been itching to take some new pictures =]

A little free advertising, have a looksee at my photography.

My DeviantART

Used books and surveys

Maegan showed me this website that she gets her books from, called Half.com. You can get gently used books for a fraction of the price, and while I love buying brand new books haha, I'd also rather save, like, 80% of cover price. There's this book I want to read called "The Deep End of the Ocean" by Jacquelyn Mitchard and for the hardcover gently used version it's .75 cents (plus shipping and handling, of course.) I'd say that's more than reasonable. Michele said she would order it for me, which makes me uber happy. :]

Michele also referred me to this new survey site called zoompanel.com. You take surveys, get points, and then with the points you can get prizes and stuff mailed to you, and you don't have to pay anything, not even shipping. I thought they would have lame prizes that you'd have to work forever to get to but surprisingly they have some really great ones. In the 2000 point range is a book I've been wanting to read for a while but haven't wanted to spend 18 dollars on. So, that's cool.

Aug. 13, 2oo9

Today was a pretty busy day. Not a bad day, just really busy. It was "Customer appreciation day" at work, which meant that for four hours from 11-3pm we sold 1$ subs and slims. I don't think I've ever seen that many people in my life. The two of us who worked register rang people up for 4 hours straight. It wasn't bad, just crazy busy. Everything went really smoothly. We had everything worked out so we had a continuous flow of people in and out and no one waited for longer than two or three minutes after entering the store. It turned out really good; well over 1000 sandwiches were made and handed out, lol. All in all, I'd say it was a success. :]

Me and Heidi went to dinner and to see The Proposal tonight, (with Sandra Bullock and Ryan Reynolds.) It was okay, really predictable. It had a few good laughs but nothing too spectacular. I wouldn't wanna see it again.

Let me be clear

You don't mess with angry, teenaged Republicans. We will verbally BEAT you over the internet.